Mindfulness Day 16

Today, Jeff spoke of "the still point": a mental point of total stillness. This seemed like a nice thing--and he suggested a variety of locations, such as a very still part of the body, or the moment while holding a breath. Oddly, I felt like I could focus on a space sort of in front of me and find greater stillness. I could feel thoughts like, "Uh, wait, is this like...denying my body or something? Is this okay?" fighting through, but decided to discard them and hold the feeling. It was interesting as for a moment around my heart felt right, but then my brain sort of slid "forward" and I went "Woah, that's even quieter."

I ended up finding something similar during "me"-ditation, and really held to it...but I think I was possibly slipping in and out of consciousness as I sat there. Still not completely sure, but I was hella-relaxed afterward, so I'll take it!

• I appreciate that when I had a thoroughly heart-pounding moment, I didn't try to still my heart, but tried to look through the feelings and the reactions. the interesting part of those is that so much of the time I'm not certain what's actually underlying it--I mean, here it was paranoid jealousy, which is nothing new, but every time I try to dig through that feeling, I come up like...well, I have the image of something I've read or seen where someone is digging through something and at the end, they just have scraps of the thing around them, and never found anything else. Like trying to find what's hiding in the center of an onion, perhaps. Still, I got an external signal that calmed me--I was a little disappointed I didn't have the chance to work through it on my own, but I'm glad I had the mental investment to be willing =)
• I can improve on this by taking the moment next time to actively walk off and look for my center during it, rather than keeping the window open to an external solution for a while.
• I appreciate that I was able to still find joy in The Guyver, despite the fact that I now completely see its limitations and how it simultaneously showed a lot of love for the source material, but also made some choices that were not exactly respectful in tone. Maybe self-justification, but it does at least feel like the "lack of respect" had nothing to do with not respecting the source material at least!
• I can improve on this by continuing to keep my mind open to new experiences, and revisitations of old experience. And remember that, sometimes, it can turn out a thing I liked--I don't like anymore =)
• I appreciate that I stuck with looking for these furniture skates in front of me--and that I didn't admonish myself when I finally remembered where they were. I was just pleased/excited!
• I can improve on this one by, well, continuing to give myself that grace of accepting that I won't always remember where I put stuff if I don't fully intend to. And that's okay!

Today's Album: In 3-D by "Weird Al" Yankovic