Uncomfortably close to therapy recommendations, but I soldiered through. I did find it most difficult to apply friendly feelings to myself. Even as I was told to pick someone I struggle with after someone I obviously cared about--and I strode off into the darker regions, mind you--I wasn't having much trouble. But when I was supposed to turn positive feelings over to myself...? Would that my brain could manufacture its own cricket noises... =)
Still: decided to re-apply it a few times during the day, and threw in the suggested mantra (self-directed) for my mantra a day or so after my existing backlog of pre-written ones (I kinda liked the idea, as a bunch were coming to me from movies, lyrics, thoughts, etc, of having them to look at each day, rather than come up with them--we'll see how that goes when I start running down/out...)
- I appreciate that I'm trying to be more open and friendly with folks now. Accepting a compliment from a cashier, talking to my neighbours and waving hello as I went out for supplies this evening. I'm also trying to relax my reflexive notes of frustration with the people who, well, frustrate me.
- I can improve on this by moving further on the frustrating folks, but also working on returning things. The cashier said they liked my style: I liked theirs as well, but thought to say this only after I left, so simultaneously flattered and taken aback was I. I mean, I drifted their way because I liked theirs in the first place, so I stopped thinking about it.
- I appreciate that I'm still wrestling with my feelings and "rightness", "wrongness", and the space between them. I don't have a definitive idea for these in more complex situations, and I appreciate that, while also appreciating that somewhere in there I do have strong feelings, which I'm willing to break apart and examine for their sources and origins.
- I can improve on this by continuing to think and ruminate on how such things work or could work. Not exactly a new plan, but the plan all the same =D
- I appreciate that I'm really letting myself enjoy all the various conversations with people about all kinds of stuff by interacting instead of hiding from everything that's difficult. It is making time pass happily and a hell of a lot easier.
- I can improve on this by starting and participating in even more conversations, following those periodic impulses rather than falling back reflexively to the ease of not bothering.
Today's Album: Wreck by Unsane
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