Mindfulness Day 6

Well, today ended the first run of "classes" with Calm.

Calm: Awareness
Calming Anxiety: Befriending Anxiety

A solid session today, it did feel more like treading water concept-wise today, but that was completely fine. Good to practice the already-known stuff, and the "befriending anxiety" was, admittedly, still a little nice: "riding the waves" as she said, was a new concept to throw myself at a bit.

• I appreciate that I am learning to roll with things better--it's not a skill I lacked, but I'm learning to roll with more things than I did previously, and that's really nice. Being able to calm things down is pretty important for me, and I manage to do it better and better as time goes on.
• I can improve on this by keeping the idea of riding waves and staying with myself even in the more difficult moments, and not holding it against myself when I miss them.
• I appreciate that I had two moments (one with the re-appearance of Teresa, another with Matthew) where I fell into old habits--but I recognized it, even if it was afterward, and it kept me aware of things to work on in the future. Being a little obscure in the former, and leaping to shame in the latter--both instinctive, but I did catch them pretty quickly, even if it was after the fact.
• I can improve on this by continuing to not fault myself for it, and by now leaving myself a little more space in moments of varying stress, unease, or uncertainty to have those reactions and not let them be what defines my following actions.
• I appreciate that I'm invested in others. I did reach out to her today--it was some sort of hybrid, work-related-cum-gesture-of-friendliness, and it didn't go so hot. But it was okay! I didn't overreact, I just tried to stay free-and-easy and let my intentions float there freely. Still didn't feel like it got where it needed to in terms of creating a safe space for her to react, but all I can do there is try.
• I can improve on this in a few ways:
• Probably not compromise on my intentions, however much I might feel it's a way to have it both ways, or try to build up things in the "right" places (like work!)
• Let go of more of my words--into the ether, not into the ears of others. Let them speak for themselves, not crowd them with companions.
• Continue to respect my motivations and intentions, even with the above mental notes to keep them maybe restrained and controlled.

Today's Album: Hardcore Friends by Lithuania