Mindfulness Day 3

Like yesterday, my two defined sessions were a lot earlier in the day than now, so they've kinda passed me by a bit at this point. There were some new techniques for how to deal with intrusive thoughts I'm working with--better ways to note those thoughts and release them.

I felt still pretty tense through my secondary "me-ditation" with music, I'd had a surprise therapy session to try to sort out some feelings (not a surprise for me exactly, mind you) and some of that and other things were still floating around--or maybe it was deciding my late dinner should be accompanied by rumchata? It wasn't a ton, but maybe enough to throw me off. Something I'll keep in mind going forward, in any case!

• I appreciated that, even as I was struggling this evening, I kept myself even on the conscious level, and didn't get frustrated at my seeming inability to calm completely
• I can improve on this by working on a more consistent relaxation approach (I was sort of trying various things, which doesn't exactly help!), or by maybe trying to reach out and touch those senses and feelings a little more readily/handily so that I can process them better.
• I appreciate that I was taking a more positive attitude in some of my work conversations today, not even at a super high level, but tipping the last bits around, and working as best I can to make sense of things and appreciate the way things are--without throwing my concerns out the window
• I can improve on this by keeping myself thinking this way, aiming for positive interactions with coworkers and aiming for movement forward, rather than getting mired in the frustrations of the moment.
• I appreciated my decision-making today. I stayed present in a conversation that got increasingly frustrating, but got myself to explain my position without losing my cool entirely--and while making sure I didn't forget my own needs/emotions in the process. I also felt like I got to a reasonable place--with some help, courtesy "emergency therapy"--on a desire to contact her. It wasn't that I even thought it would be bad to contact her, I just didn't want to run the risk of it mirroring impatience and disrupting my decision to take a break to heal myself properly.
• I can improve on this by looking at my decisions further in advance where possible, and trying to head off mounting frustrations sooner, rather than giving in and perpetuating them. Then I don't have to have the frustrated reactions to experience and display
  
  
• I also appreciated that I had sweet, warm thoughts about her that I wanted to share (even if I ended up not doing it) because it felt good for me and toward her. Still kind of wish I could've shared them for that fact, but two weeks is not that long, and it will be a good lesson in trust if I can make it this long--or, hopefully, a good moment to appreciate even an alternate/undesired outcome without her in it.

Today's album: Chulahoma by The Black Keys